Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
