The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
