Say something about gay babies.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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