You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
