I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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