i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
