but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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