Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
And then he peed in my hair
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