So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
