Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
