I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
