dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
