What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
