Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize