She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
