I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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