I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
