she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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