and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
