I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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