you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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