I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
