Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Life is so much better after having sex.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
