ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Randomize
