i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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