Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
