Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize