My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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