I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
