I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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