My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
