I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize