She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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