This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
