Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
