My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
