i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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