Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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