My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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