How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize