We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Operation Purity has been aborted
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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