i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
