I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
