this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
