that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
