If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
