wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
