it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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