Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
