..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
