Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
