Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
