Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
