I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
