Don't make out with my wife yet
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize