I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
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