Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Oh god it's open bar.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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