My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
