1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
