I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
