Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
