I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
