So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
