Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
whose parrot is this?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
