I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
