I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
