She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
