suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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