lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Less talking, more tequila
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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