So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
