She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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