$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
