drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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