Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
