Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
high people should be assigned attendants
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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