The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
