i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
