Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
