so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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