I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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